RECORDING FROM PERMALINK, SECTOR 5.100.2
DISCOVERED 26 DAYS POST REGIONAL SANITATION
*****
1822:03:0208 (sighs)
There's... so much around. But it's not what I
need. (sniffles) Not what I need to survive. Where is the precious (unintelligible) the-- the
life-giving stuff that revitalizes me?
Where is the-- a break in the noise just long enough for me get my
focus back? My mind... is-- is a weary wasteland. But I’m glad I found this journal.
1823:20:8712
When you're all alone, you just-- you start to believe
everything you tell yourself. Your need
for companionship, for interaction- it creates a break, it causes a separation, a -a schism within. (sniffles)
...I know this because I am alone. I'm alone and I'm not of one mind, and, and I can hardly hear myself think over the overwhelming
buzzing of endless, of, of mindless, evil thoughts.
They're not my own. They come
from somewhere else.. It's as if a spirit has settled... inside of me, and taken root. I’m going to keep this journal, but I'm not
sure why. It's the last reflex of a
corned cat. I am cornered, and I shall
surely die soon. But it's best not to
think on it. Because that's when the
evil thoughts resurface.
1825:12:0317
Today, I cut myself trying to gather wood for the
fire. The blood-- so red- it dribbled out slowly
like a velvet sash from my forearm. It stained the grass, and the leaves, and the dirt... It reflected the sunlight and looked like shimmering red stones all over the ground. I wanted to
see more of it! But no. That’s not me! That’s the schism, the void,
the evil. It's (coughs) It wants me... to die, and
sometimes I want me to die too.
1826:50:0243
Maybe there is someone else out there, someone alive like me. I'm wrestling with the idea of leaving my
encampment. But I'm safe here, now. This I know for certain... All else is uncertainty. There is only here, now and the universe-
that's it. There is only me and then
everything that plots to end me...
Yeah...Tomorrow I will check the clearing.
If it's been three years, I leave. If it's been five, I stay. Neither option is good; (sighs) Death waits just
outside of anything I do. Inaction is
action. Any action hastens my end.
This is Leimann Shepherd, recording.
And this is zero point zero point one; Day One.
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| Far Enough Photo |
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